The Pumpkin Patch.

Well, it wouldn't be fall without a visit to the pumpkin patch!  Alexa had a great time.  She recently learned how to say 'pumpkin' so she super excited about it!  Now, she was definitely more interested in the stack of hay she could climb up, but she thought the pumpkins were pretty neat too.  Thankfully, a sweet friend offered to tag along so we could get a few family pictures as well.  There were too many distractions for Alexa to really sit still and cooperate, but I told myself before we got that I was not going to get frusturated with her not wanting to take pictures... I just wanted her to have a good time.  So, please excuse us that they are not the best of pictures.  But, perfect or not, I think they accurately capture how much fun we were having!!

A few days later, we made our first family attempt at carving a pumpkin.  I have no memories growing up of carving pumpkins, so I was completely clueless.  Thankfully Daddy knew what he was doing and Alexa dove right in to help!!

We caught her trying to eat it!!  YUCK!

Then, of course, Daddy encouraged it!

Please excuse my appearance, we just had to get one family photo!

Then, our finished product!!!

Isn't it Ironic?

I confessed on the previous post how "crazy" life around here has been lately!  So, you can imagine my enthusiam when my sister called to ask if Alexa could have a slumber party with Brooklyn for a night!  A small part of me knew I would miss my sweet girl, but the thought of a quiet, uneventful day sounded like pure bliss!

Little did I know how much I would actually miss her!!

I cried the first 15 minutes after dropping her off!  Listening to the radio, rather than Blue's Clues, on the drive home felt strange.  I missed her begging for my hand all afternoon so I would follow her every move.  I missed her asking for her "blue swing" {on her swingset} the entire time I fed Addi Joy.  I missed telling her over and over at dinner that she needs to eat her food, not Lucy dog.  I missed fighting her in the bath tub because she will not lean her head back so I can rinse her hair, but doing my very best not to get it in her eyes and ears either. I missed her sweet snuggles last night and giving her the bedtime bottle {YES, we still have the bottle, and I don't want to hear it from anyone... I am not ready to give up that sweet time}!  I missed hearing her saying "MaMa... Addi.... Daddy.... Lucy" over and over on the monitor this morning.  I missed having to figure out how I was going to feed both girls breakfast at the same time.  The peace and quiet is almost scary to me now!

So, how in the world can I miss her so much when she makes me crazy most of the day?!  I think that's one of the biggest ironies of motherhood!  No matter how much they make us want to pull our hair out, we wouldn't change it for the world.  I must admit, I even miss her when I lay her down for a nap!!  I count down the minutes for a little peace and quiet and then as soon as I get it, I want her to wake back up!!

However, it has been much easier being a mommy of one the past 24 hours.  Working around one schedule is so much easier than trying to balance two!  I have had the chance for super sweet snuggle time with baby Addi!  Being the second child, its unfortunate that she does not get held "just because" as much as you do the first time around.  Alexa was 6 months old before she took a nap without being held!  But, she was my only one, I didn't work, and there was no one else demanding my attention throughout the day.  Its hard for me to admit that I just don't have the time to hold Addi all day and when I do, I feel guilty that Alexa isn't getting enough attention either.  So, its been a special time having guilt-free time to love all over Addilyn and not put her down!!!  (I'm even holding her while I blog).   She is just growing so fast and I want to treasure every minute of it!!!  

I've also had the chance at a little "me" time!  I having been working on some card orders, did some shopping, took a shower and actually straightened my hair, planning Alexa's 2nd birthday party, online shopped, and I plan on getting out later to gather up some Halloween things for the girls.  Jonathan even let us get take-out last night so I didn't have to spend any time in the kitchen!

Thank you Aunt Ashley for giving me time to breathe and for taking such great care of my princess!!!  I know she is having a blast and loving every minute of her time with ya'll!!

Needless to say, I have definitely enjoyed the little break, but until I get my hands back on my sweet big girl, I will feel like a little piece of my heart is still missing!!!  Isn't it ironic?!

Motherhood Rocks?!?

Well, today has just been one of those days.  I'm sure you know what I am talking about.  Those days that no matter what you do, how hard you try, its just not gonna go smooth!  Unfortunately, I have had a lot of those days lately.

I just went to check the mail (sadly, that sometimes is the biggest excitement of the day) and the only thing in there was an envelope from Similac (the brand of  the expensive, special formula we use... which thankfully was not part of the recall).  Even though I knew a coupon would be inside, which is always helpful, today would have been one of those days that something fun would have been nice to get...  Maybe a new Pottery Barn cataloge or a hand written note?!  But, there was just one little envelope sitting there!  I picked and up, and because there was no other mail distracting me, I looked the envelope over.  In big bold letters on the front of the envelope it read "Motherhood Rocks".

I will admit, I rolled my eyes and sighed.  I thought, "oh yea, it really rocks... I bet whoever designed this advertisement isn't even a mom, and probably doesn't even have kids."  Immediately the guilt poured over me!  How could I think this?!  Why would something like this even cross my mind?!  I have two BEAUTIFUL girls, who I love more than life itself.  Did I really just think that!!!  I am terrible!!!

I came inside and sat on the couch, beating myself up over and over!  I feel like in every area of my life, I am coming up short.  My house is a total mess, there is laundry in the dryer that has been there for 3 days.  My husband and I haven't had a "real" conversation in forever.  I am losing my patience with both of my girls.  All I do is discipline Alexa.  I am wishing Addi's newborn days away because I am sick of the crying and reflux.  So seeing the words "Motherhood Rocks" just made me feel like a complete failure!

Before Addilyn's arrival, Alexa and I had it down!!  Our days were pretty much routine... I even knew what time of day she would have a dirty diaper.  Things were easy!!  But since then, things have changed!  Addilyn has "rocked" my world!!!

I think as a mom, at least for me, I base my success on if my child is happy or not.  And Addilyn is just not a happy/content baby.  We were at a playdate this morning with a few neighbor friends and there were 2 other baby girls there who are within 2 weeks of age as Addi.  Their mommies just sat so beautifully and held their baby girls who were sound asleep content on their chests.  Our picture didn't look so pretty.  As I fed Addi and she had a massive spit up all over the beautiful area rug in the living room.  She never sat contently in my arms and spent the last 30 minutes screaming uncontrollably.  I was trying to take care of Addi, while picking up the crumbs of the Nilla Wafers Alexa smushed all over the floor.  I know they were so relieved when we finally left... they were finally able to talk and enjoy their time together!

Why is it always choas?  Why doesn't my baby lay contently on my chest?  Why does my toddler find it necessary to throw everything?  What am I doing wrong?

I find myself beating myself up over and over all day long!!!

But, as I ponder on the small phrase "Motherhood Rocks" I find comfort!  Yes, motherhood does "Rock"!  Sometimes it "rocks" your world in a good way, and sometimes it "rocks" it in a challenging way!!  At this time in my life, I have to find accomplishement in the smallest of tasks!  I get so much joy when Addi has an easy feeding!!!  When Alexa obeys me the first time I ask, I want to stand up and sing at the top of my lungs!  When I can get the both down for a nap at same time, I feel like I defeated something massive!

No one said being a mom was going to be easy.  In fact, being at home all day long is sometimes the hardest thing I have ever done.  But after a long day, when Alexa lays her head on my shoulder and squeezes me as tight as she can, I know it was all worth it.  It feels like I have done something right, even when I have doubted myself all day.  Nothing else matters in the world.

Being a mom doesn't mean I have it all together.  It doesn't mean that I am not going to have those days.  It doesn't mean I am not going to loose my patience.  And, I have to realize that it is ok to admit this!  Its good for me to swallow a little pride and realize that alone I am not capable of doing any of it.  I am confessing that I stumble and I need the Lord to be my guide.  My struggles didn't go away the moment I had Addi and Alexa.  I am still weak and I need the Lord to depend on.  I am not perfect.  In fact, I am full of flaws that are all very visable.  But I have {somehow} received God's amazing grace and He knows I am worth it!

God knew just what I needed today.  He placed something in my mailbox, all by itself, as a subtle reminder that I have the greatest job in the world.  Being a mommy to Alexa and Addilyn is what He had planned for my life.  He has specifically chosen ME to be their Mommy!  And for that simple comfort, "Motherhood Rocks"!    

So, its okay to have those days.  Because, those days don't define who you are or what kind of mommy you are.  I know, through God's love and grace, I am a good mom, even through the projectile vomit and disciplining of the defiant toddler.  Sometimes I have to look for the simple things to remind me of this.  My child does not have to be perfect or not cry all day long for me to be a successful mom!  The small milestones can even be more rewarding!

Yes, "Motherhood Rocks".  I can confidentally, 100%, say this statement and believe it to the fullest!!!  My girls have forever "rocked" my world, and I wouldn't change it for anything!!  They are worth it all!  I love them with the depths of my heart!  I thank God for entrusting their lives in my hands.  When I get to heaven, I want Him to look at me and say "Well Done!"  and I will say "well, Motherhood ROCKED"!

    

Addi's Story.

A lot has changed since my last blog entry!  We had just found out that we were expecting another sweet baby girl.... well, now she has made her debut into this world!!!

Here is Addi's Story.

On Thursday, September 2nd (at 36 weeks) I went to the doctor for my weekly NST (non-stress test).  After being monitored for 30 minutes, the doctor came in and told me she had a few concerns about baby girl's heart rate.  Every movement Addilyn made, her heart rate would increase like it was supposed to, but then it would rapidly drop below baseline.  The doctor told me not to worry, but she wanted me to come back the next day for further testing and monitoring.  She calmly warned me that if the baby was not cooperating during the testing, I would be sent to the hospital that day for my repeated c-section!  

Being that I was scheduled for a c-section in 3 weeks, I had not done ANYTHING to prepare for Addi's arrival... my house was dirty, my toenails were not painted, I did not have Alexa lined out.  So, of course, I started crying and rushed home to get everything organized!  Luckily, my sweet, sweet sister and Granny were at my house watching Alexa.  They calmed me down and told me to tell them where to start and they would help me.  We all ran to Target to gather all of the things I still needed for myself, Alexa, and Addi.  Then, we came home and my sister cleaned my ENTIRE house, which was a total disaster (I still owe her for this)!  I went to start a load of laundry for Addi, and quickly discovered that the washing machine was broken!!  I believe I lost it all over again... I could not put my NEW baby in brand new clothes and blankets that had not been washed.... talk about serious germs!  I called my AMAZING neighbors, and they came and got all of my laundry!!!  I panicked all night long!  My neighbor even came down to give me a pedicure while I straightened my hair... talk about amazing! :)  

So, after 2 hours of sleep, I went back to the doctor's office.  She did about 90 minutes of testing, and everything came back normal!  All of my frantic running around was for nothing!!!  So I went home... a little sad and a lot relieved!  That night we went to dinner at Clear Springs and ran to Babies R Us with my parents.  The scare made me aware of all the necessities I was still lacking.  We had a great night out as a family!  

At about 11:30 that night, I was asleep in bed.  I woke up to realize that I was soaking wet.  I jumped out of bed and started boucing up and down!  My husband, who was still asleep, looked over at me and asked what the heck I was doing.  (I am sure it was quite the sight... a huge pregnant woman trying to jump up and down... my feet couldn't even get off the ground!)  I told him I was soaking wet and that I figured if it had been my water breaking that jumping up and down would make it break all the way!!  He told me I was crazy and that I had peed on myself.  Well, those of you who have had babies, know that this is a very possible, so I agreed with him, changed clothes, and got back in bed.  A few minutes later, I realized I was wet again.  This time I knew I had not peed.  I woke Jonathan up and told him I thought it was for real this time!  I called L&D and told the nurse my situation... she eased my doubts and told me she definitely thought I was in labor.  So, I called those AMAZING neighbors again (yes, I owe them BIG time too) and they were down at my house in about 2 minutes.  They assured me that Alexa would be fine and we headed to the hospital!  

I was much more calm than I ever expected.  I put my make-up on while we drove and giggled a lot because I knew I was leaking all over Jonathan's truck seats!!  I'm not sure if I ever really told him this... oops!  It all seemed so surreal.  I walked up to L&D and within an hour and a half, I was lying on the operating table about to meet this sweet little life who I had felt move inside me so many times and longed to hold so badly!  

{side note... so not relevant, but pretty funny:  Addi had not really descended at all (I still don't think she was really ready).  I could see the doctors elbows hitting the sheet RIGHT in front of my face trying to get their hands under my ribs to get her down.  I was a little panicked and freaked out by now.  Then, I heard the dreaded words "I need the vacuum" come from the doctor.  I was doing my very best to hold back my tears and tried to stay calm.  About 10 seconds after they turned the vacuum on, I heard a really loud "popping" noise.  Then, I felt blood shoot over the curtain and land on my face.  I didn't say a thing, I don't think I even moved.  Quickly, Jonathan brushed the blood off of me and old me he had accidentally spit on me!!!  I didn't even acknowledge the comment at the time but remebered it later.  He was so sweet.... he wanted to ease my fears so badly.  He said he didn't even know where the comment had come from, but it just came right out of his mouth... I must say, it was pretty quick thinking... and made for a good laugh later}

At 2:14 am, Addilyn Joy Walker made her arrival!!!  I heard the nurses ranting and raving about her long beautiful eyelashes and I heard her sweet little cry.  When we had Alexa, she had been in a lot of distress, so we did not hear any crying... It was such a sweet relief this time to hear that those lungs were working well!!!  They told me she was tiny (as her sister was too) and that she had a head full of black hair!!!  It seemed like FOREVER until they brought her around the curtain so I could see her for the first time!  

That EXACT moment is like nothing you can ever imagine or express into words!!!  I don't care if it is your first time, or your 10th time, meeting YOUR baby for the first time is, without a doubt, the BEST moment you will ever experience!!!!  Its like the world stands still.  For a brief moment in time, NOTHING else matters.  Life could not be more perfect!  

She is absolutely beautiful!!!  She weighed 5lbs. 12oz. (2oz. bigger than her sister) and was 19inches long.  She had a head full of black hair and the smallest, sweetest, little face!!!  Everything about her is just perfect!!!

We are still unsure why she decided to make her arrival in this world almost 4 weeks early.  But, I guess she was trying to tell us something was not right a few days early.  I am very thankful we had this little "scare" so I could somewhat prepare for her arrival (at least so I could get a pedicure).  My doctor was also headed out of town that weekend for a week, so I am VERY thankful she was able to deliver!

Now, Addilyn is 6 weeks old!!   She is growing quickly and currently weighs 8lbs 2oz!!!  She is struggling with pretty severe acid reflux and is definitely not a very content baby girl, as we know she is in a decent amount of pain!  Crying or not, she is still our little "JOY".  It seems to be completely agreed that Addi looks just like her daddy's side of the family.  Maybe like her Aunt Lauren (which works great for me because she is absolutely gorgeous)?!  Alexa LOVES her new baby sister and can not get enough of her.  Addi has definitely made the mothering side of Alexa come out!!!  She is much more nurturing that we ever thought!!  

Life with two is pretty crazy 90% of the time!  I think people leave my house, with a BIG sigh of relief that they don't have to stay any longer!! :)  Crazy or not, I am so thankful for the two sweet girls the Lord has entrusted to us!  I look at them and I wouldn't change a thing!!!  They were both created in His image and He designed them for a specific purpose and a reason!!  They were "fine tuned" the EXACT way He wanted them to be! 

"I will sing for joy at the works of YOUR hands!" - Psalm 92:4

Here is a picture of both the girls as newborns.... Do you think they look alike?!?!

                                                                            

Alexa Jayne

Addilyn Joy

A new look. A fresh start.

I know, I know!!  I sound like a broken record, BUT this time I am serious!!!  I am going to do my absolute, VERY best to update my blog as often as I can.  I wish I had time/energy to do it everyday, but I will not even set a goal that high because that would just be setting myself up for serious failure!!  I am going to set my goal at 2 times a week!!!  Hopefully it will be more often, but if I set my goal low, I won't feel defeated when I can't meet it!!!

The main reason I want to do this is to document LIFE for my girls!  I am determined to have one of those AMAZING books made out of my blog.  I would like to make Alexa and Addi a book each year of everything that happened, the ups and the downs.  I know they won't appreciate it now, but when they get older, I think they will really treasure the memories!  I also plan on incorporating Lexi Jayne's Designs into this blog as well.  I will be doing giveaways for cards and plan on partnering with some other amazing etsy girls.  I want to keep it exciting and fun, so make sure you become a follower and tell your friends about it too so you don't miss out!   So, here is to a fresh start!

What do you think of the makeover!?  I still plan on making more changes, but this is what I have for now!

Now it begins.... for real this time! :)