Motherhood Rocks?!?

Well, today has just been one of those days.  I'm sure you know what I am talking about.  Those days that no matter what you do, how hard you try, its just not gonna go smooth!  Unfortunately, I have had a lot of those days lately.

I just went to check the mail (sadly, that sometimes is the biggest excitement of the day) and the only thing in there was an envelope from Similac (the brand of  the expensive, special formula we use... which thankfully was not part of the recall).  Even though I knew a coupon would be inside, which is always helpful, today would have been one of those days that something fun would have been nice to get...  Maybe a new Pottery Barn cataloge or a hand written note?!  But, there was just one little envelope sitting there!  I picked and up, and because there was no other mail distracting me, I looked the envelope over.  In big bold letters on the front of the envelope it read "Motherhood Rocks".

I will admit, I rolled my eyes and sighed.  I thought, "oh yea, it really rocks... I bet whoever designed this advertisement isn't even a mom, and probably doesn't even have kids."  Immediately the guilt poured over me!  How could I think this?!  Why would something like this even cross my mind?!  I have two BEAUTIFUL girls, who I love more than life itself.  Did I really just think that!!!  I am terrible!!!

I came inside and sat on the couch, beating myself up over and over!  I feel like in every area of my life, I am coming up short.  My house is a total mess, there is laundry in the dryer that has been there for 3 days.  My husband and I haven't had a "real" conversation in forever.  I am losing my patience with both of my girls.  All I do is discipline Alexa.  I am wishing Addi's newborn days away because I am sick of the crying and reflux.  So seeing the words "Motherhood Rocks" just made me feel like a complete failure!

Before Addilyn's arrival, Alexa and I had it down!!  Our days were pretty much routine... I even knew what time of day she would have a dirty diaper.  Things were easy!!  But since then, things have changed!  Addilyn has "rocked" my world!!!

I think as a mom, at least for me, I base my success on if my child is happy or not.  And Addilyn is just not a happy/content baby.  We were at a playdate this morning with a few neighbor friends and there were 2 other baby girls there who are within 2 weeks of age as Addi.  Their mommies just sat so beautifully and held their baby girls who were sound asleep content on their chests.  Our picture didn't look so pretty.  As I fed Addi and she had a massive spit up all over the beautiful area rug in the living room.  She never sat contently in my arms and spent the last 30 minutes screaming uncontrollably.  I was trying to take care of Addi, while picking up the crumbs of the Nilla Wafers Alexa smushed all over the floor.  I know they were so relieved when we finally left... they were finally able to talk and enjoy their time together!

Why is it always choas?  Why doesn't my baby lay contently on my chest?  Why does my toddler find it necessary to throw everything?  What am I doing wrong?

I find myself beating myself up over and over all day long!!!

But, as I ponder on the small phrase "Motherhood Rocks" I find comfort!  Yes, motherhood does "Rock"!  Sometimes it "rocks" your world in a good way, and sometimes it "rocks" it in a challenging way!!  At this time in my life, I have to find accomplishement in the smallest of tasks!  I get so much joy when Addi has an easy feeding!!!  When Alexa obeys me the first time I ask, I want to stand up and sing at the top of my lungs!  When I can get the both down for a nap at same time, I feel like I defeated something massive!

No one said being a mom was going to be easy.  In fact, being at home all day long is sometimes the hardest thing I have ever done.  But after a long day, when Alexa lays her head on my shoulder and squeezes me as tight as she can, I know it was all worth it.  It feels like I have done something right, even when I have doubted myself all day.  Nothing else matters in the world.

Being a mom doesn't mean I have it all together.  It doesn't mean that I am not going to have those days.  It doesn't mean I am not going to loose my patience.  And, I have to realize that it is ok to admit this!  Its good for me to swallow a little pride and realize that alone I am not capable of doing any of it.  I am confessing that I stumble and I need the Lord to be my guide.  My struggles didn't go away the moment I had Addi and Alexa.  I am still weak and I need the Lord to depend on.  I am not perfect.  In fact, I am full of flaws that are all very visable.  But I have {somehow} received God's amazing grace and He knows I am worth it!

God knew just what I needed today.  He placed something in my mailbox, all by itself, as a subtle reminder that I have the greatest job in the world.  Being a mommy to Alexa and Addilyn is what He had planned for my life.  He has specifically chosen ME to be their Mommy!  And for that simple comfort, "Motherhood Rocks"!    

So, its okay to have those days.  Because, those days don't define who you are or what kind of mommy you are.  I know, through God's love and grace, I am a good mom, even through the projectile vomit and disciplining of the defiant toddler.  Sometimes I have to look for the simple things to remind me of this.  My child does not have to be perfect or not cry all day long for me to be a successful mom!  The small milestones can even be more rewarding!

Yes, "Motherhood Rocks".  I can confidentally, 100%, say this statement and believe it to the fullest!!!  My girls have forever "rocked" my world, and I wouldn't change it for anything!!  They are worth it all!  I love them with the depths of my heart!  I thank God for entrusting their lives in my hands.  When I get to heaven, I want Him to look at me and say "Well Done!"  and I will say "well, Motherhood ROCKED"!